Been busy lately with all SPA and stuff. I'd rather not talk about biology SPA.

I'm really afraid, afraid that on the 4th of September, things aren't as glitzy and glamorous as it should be. While I'm not so afraid that my part of the Ad Hoc will go wrong, I am fearful that the hall will not be decorated as planned... I'm fearful that the programme will not proceed as devised... Then again, i'm also fearful that my gifts to the teachers are delayed in their delivery and production...

I'm afraid we won't live the legacy.

We had only 4 weeks to plan such a massive event. Anything can go awry.

I'm starting to regret going for the Beijing immersion trip, because the council has been invited to go for a separate japan trip, which is the same one as SMC I think. Nonotheless, I'd be losing out to an opportunity to get to know my council better... sigh... Even now, the Kyushu Japan trip seems more appealing as I've got 2 guy classmates going, whereas in BIT, the two classmates are girls, which of course would naturally stick to themselves.

An update:
I looked at the form again... And I realised I forgot we'd be seeing the Forbidden City as well!!! Oh wells... If anyone's going to Beijing and is looking for a friend, Find Me!!! =)

Labels: opportunity cost

I think it's long overdue that I comment on my incredible weight lost. Not trying to boast, but when I look back at it, it still remains a daunting feat to parallel. All my life I wanted so bad to shed all that fat, but I could never bring myself about to doing it until then. Just to summarise my achievement, I dropped from a staggering 83 kg to 60 kg in a matter of months. To exact it was from the mid of March to the end of October when O levels started. I lost about a total of 23kg, which made Dan tout me as the "Biggest Loser", which comes from a show on Hallmark Channel haha... It's an irony though..

What motivated me to begin on such gruelling task? It began when I experienced at last my awakening; when I finally snapped out of my childishness and immaturity, when I suddenly felt aware of what is going on, when the world looked different through me eyes. It is difficult to explain this strange surge of consciousness because I believe there are some that are born with this and others that never notice it. It is the day you realise, I can change the way I am and I want to be who and who, what and what or be able to do this and this. I was really late. But when I did, I saw the dismal state my body was in. I saw my peers, how they were agile, strong and light footed and they would have fun under the sun with all sorts of games. "Oh I wish I could do that," I retorted to myself. I suddenly felt like I was different, I wasn't normal. I hated myself, yes, I did. I hate... No, I won't... I can do this, I can change how I am... I want to be like them... I want to run... I want to wake up without feeling the huge oppressive force of gravity on my body... I want to talk to people without being afraid that perhaps they would disdain me just because I was fat... I want to live, work and play with energy... I want life in a way I never experienced...

Lesson #1: Be convinced that losing weight is something you want so badly, something that will improve your life. Convince yourself if you have to in anyway possible. An aim without the drive is like a steam engine with out coal.

I quickly picked someone to emulate. Someone to serve a my target... My end point... On top of that, I bought myself my first branded shoes, an Adidas shoe with the word JOGGING imprinted at the sides. Every week, I planned to lose 1kg, which is a very insanely fast rate which I wish I didn't coerce myself to commit to. I was impatient for results.

Lesson #2: Have a goal in mind. Other than numbers, establish a model so that you can better relate to your goals. You paste a poster of your idol on your bedroom wall or just emulate a friend. However, do not get obsessed or go overboard; about a loss of 0.5 kg a week is good enough. Most of all, get something to motivate you to start off.

My diet was strictly self-regulated. I ate only rice with dishes. It was always 2 vegetables and one meat and I would always ask for less rice. At some points when I believed that I was not making enough progress, I even ate no rice, living on the meat and two vegetable dishes alone. Everyday was a self-imposed torture for me. I would feel really hungry, but my goal egged me on. It was not just the strict diet which contributed to my weight loss. I was walking/jogging around the district every alternating day at one point. I soon changed this to walking back home as the O levels neared. I always looked forward to weighing myself when I got home and I thoroughly enjoy the weekly rewards I gave myself for doing well.

Lesson #3: Exercise + Controlled Diet = Fast weight loss. Choose a particular diet (I chose the low carb diet) and exercise regimen, sticking to it with all you willpower and discipline with the end in mind. Reward yourself with every milestone but do not reward yourself everyday.

Labels: weight loss guide

It's the calm after the storm...
So calm, I had my dental appointment un-de-scheduled. I got my braces prepared for national day.
I'm going back to school tomorrow. I've got lots to catch up on.

Labels: recovered

My illness is turning for the worst... At first it was just coughing, sneezing and sore throat, but now my body feels like a ton.
On a side note, I am in the College Welfare subcommittee, my subcom of choice. I hope I can contribute to the college by improving the life of the students. I still remember the umbrellas I had put out during campaigning. I hope we can do that.
Back to bed... snorez...

I can't breath, I can't smell. My eyes feel like balls of fire yet oxymoronically, they are watering. I feel like I'm wearing a thick jacket. I feel really weak, really vulnerable... I am weak, I am vulnerable...
At time like this, I contemplate my own mortality. I have teetered from extremes to extremes. From what I know, I could have died from rapidly losing so much weight in a process called ketosis. I could have damaged my liver and kidneys without even knowing it. And apparently there are many more consequence. I am already not very fit... I'm struggling to change that...
Then again, maybe dying young isn't as bad as it sounds. To die old is often to die lonely and jaded by the world...
When I ask myself "Is there a life after death?" I never fail to not get an answer. I probably won't find that answer, but logic tells me that the answer is probably no... but really, I don't know... I don't know...

Labels: death, ill, morbidity