I guess I haven't been updating my blog since OP. But yeah OP is long over. I think I did pretty well because I made the teachers laugh in the Q & A. On top of that, during OGL interviews when I was escorting an interviewee to the room, one of the teachers that passed by remembered me for my presentation.

Yesterday I came back from Council camp. The idea of a June Camp repeat didn't catch on to me. I dreaded June Camp. As a matter of fact, it left me very discouraged. I could not pump the same way the other guys could with such gusto. June camp made me feel... I wasn't one of them... I was weaker... I was different... It set a very bad tone throughout my council journey. The feeling of inferiority plagued me like an incurable affliction. However, I was to succumb to my own self-effacing nature. The truth is... I am afraid of councillors. I can say that 95% of councillors were councillors in their secondary school or held leadership positions. They are the winners of the game of life. Their dominating character has allow them to rise up and their careful choice of friends have always been crucial in bolstering their social standing.

What a far cry from what I was. I was once an outcast. I was always a follower. I was always label undesirable company. I learnt to despise the very discriminatory nature of dominant people. I avoid them to the best of my ability not out of intention but out of fear. I never contemplated this situation when I was convinced to pick up the form and wear the green badge. But now I am reduced to hide under the shadows of Robert's facade. After all, he's the person I knew best in council and the only person I know who acted out our council's ideals.

But yet I find the irony laughable... One Heart, One Voice?... I think I am not alone in this notion. The unity the exco espouses is something that was shattered a long time ago. I remember the first time I spoke to number 53. It was backstage and we were doing trials of our one-liners. 53 was afraid and uncertain, feeling the same way I did. 53 asked me whether he/she should have withdrawn, but blinded by optimism, I tersely dissuaded the notion. But now I wonder... perhaps there was a grain of truth to what 53 said. As we all were promoted to councillors, 53 never amalgamated into the social circle of the council... Instead, she was shunned. Even the highest echelon of the council, despite espousing ideals that by right should have mitigated this, did not make an effort to even conduct a decent conversation with 53. Can I label this hypocrisy? I shall not jump to conclusions.

But what could have led to this invisible conundrum. Can I cite factors such as a skewed proportion of members from a certain sister school of FMSS? Can cite factors such as the formation of cliques? Can I cite the judgementality of student leaders which brought them to the top? Or can I cite the culture difference between those immersed in pop culture and those that are not? I wish not to incur the ire of the higher ups... But I challenge the system, not the authority...

Oh well... Enough deep thought... Tomorrow I'll be flying off to Beijing. Really fast... I'm gonna be really busy.