Today I had an emotional, emo in other words, moment.

It was an uncanny flashback. I was walking along the pool deck. This was when I saw some boys in their swimsuits getting ready to swim. I can never help myself but to admire the toned physique, the rippling muscles and the overall appearance of health in those individuals. I always wondered... What is it like to be so fit, so strong, so svelte? What is it like to walk around the way you were made and to know that you are the ideal of the human physique. What is it like to earn the admiration of others just by being the way you are? What is it like to hold a high self-esteem? What is it like to run faster than the wind, to jump higher than the mountains, to swim faster than a fish? What is like to know that no matter where you are, you won't be judged inferior just from your cover? I felt ashamed. Again, I let envy creep into my heart. But in my heart I want it, and I wanted it. It was the sense of de ja vu.

There was once an ugly duckling. He had no friends. He decided to go to the ducks, but they rejected him. He spent many years hiding in the marshland, where he was left out to fend for himself. One day as he was swimming in a pond, he saw a flock of swans flying over him. He looked at them with awe and admiration. "How beautiful they are! I wish I could be like them." he said.

The story of the ugly duckling is close to my heart. Who else understands the ugly duckling more than me? A beaten self-esteem, hapless and disparaged.

When will the story conclude? I have a long way to go. But if I could have a twist in the story, I wish that the duckling had a swan to mentor him and guide his way.