19th July was investiture of the 35ths and the night before I was shivering with excitement. I could feel my enthusiasm and energy sapped away by the burden of my badge and yet none of the 34 ths gave me the support and acceptance that I longed for. I had waited for this day to come when I could lose the reason to a certain measure to resent my fellow 34 ths for their disdain. And it was only a week before at PAC I realised that I can never be one of them for ideological reasons. I can never belong to the upper class nobility that most Christians are. I can never be as immersed into christian pop future as them. I can never agree with their logic and way of life. And I have realised that my hopes for entering the first ever Christian community willing to accept me was dashed. And I blame this on the inculcation of discrimination in Christian kids. Being one that has gone through Sunday school, I have been taught to not associate with godless people, including non-Christians. But nonetheless it is the non-christians that are most accepting of people. In fact PAC, angered me. I saw 25 councillors arm in arms during worship, and I was there looking at them from a distance and no one ask me to join in. I questioned myself, do they consider me a 34th?. Forever will this image be etched in my head, the Christians of council like brothers in arms, leaving a poor pastafarian dejected at the corner and yet no one cared, not a single one of "god's people" cared.
The council was the epitome of Christendom including all the traits of discrimination. But I realised I was not the only non-christian as lenny and Zr were also free thinkers. And in a way they both feel the marginalization from those christians. Sometimes I wonder how Sam ang is able to preach love and yet fester a hotbed of hate and meanness towards others say xin er and same goes for kat.
But I made a few good friends and this I have to thank the cliquish lot in council especially the mg girls which do polarize the Council especially cw. But maybe the thing I am mist bothered is by the apathy and reticence of these "Christians".
I think one particular person the council really owes an apology is to rui qin, which behind her back has been a subject of ridicule eg MOC thing. What happened to one heart one voice? I think I feel for Frederick, if only he had held out a little longer. But he feels the same way as me and if the counil could give him acceptance he would have been a splendid councillor but no. He once shared with me how the feeling of belonging he felt in barker was absent here and I agree with his rationale.