It's barely 6 weeks to A levels, it almost seems like time just went by like that and with my systems in paralysis I have never felt more lost and panicked at the same time. Still stricken by my prelim results that were far from being able to qualify for my dream occupation, I think I need to reconsider my ambitions. Either that or I need to plan retaking the As.

I feel defeated as though lady luck has set her sights on someone else. And somehow it seems like it's all down to luck, when it is actually not. That's the problem, some pieces of information is missing yet I feel as though I'm ready. It's like my feedback mechanism has gone wrong.

During the Os I was so driven, probably because I wanted to prove something to myself and I know that isn't lost yet. But it's as if I'm just not climaxing the same way everyone can. it's been a characteristic that I've unintentionally adopted. being someone no easily excited and someone pretty consistent. But this trait is also partly my flaw, when i find it hard to rise to the occasion.

I miss the old days when it was just me and my study buddy and things were much happier than. But things are different now that we're in different classes, as though something has intrinsically diverged and he's converge towards different and more introverted values. I know for that one aspect of me hasn't changed, bringing humour into a conversation. But tastes have changed and it appears my humour is only met with chagrin. I find this discouraging it only highlights the rift.

But something about AC and junior college education just bothers me. Let me see, we only managed to complete the syllabus just before the exams at late july and immediately after that was the prelim exams which detrimentally places people in the post exam mode. What is wrong is that hardly any time was given for consolidation. Not to mention that school ends really late at 4.30 on some days,leaving us exhausted from the day's activities. The result is the disappointing grades the various departments saw in our prelim results. The problem lies in the school lack of trust in our ability to manage our own studies. Forcing us to attend lessons when productivity is near zero is ridiculous.

In secondary school, lesson time was lesson time because the syllabus was also covered during lesson, but now with the separation of tutorial and lesson which breaks the cycle of lesson-tutorial and couples it together, much of the tutorial time ends up being redundant "revision". And the strange thing is that we can skip lectures but not tutorials since it's more personal.

So the result, is less learning and more "revision" that is bound to result in information gaps. The worst part is that people are forced to attend school to ridiculously late times. And the consequence is that we fail to do our honework, or tutors are more reluctant to adminster them. In the end it is the double jeopardy of more "recaps" and undone homework/lack of homework. And let's not get me started on how tutors have less time to mark their student's scripts and so are even more reluctant to administer homework, effectively breaking the feedback cycle to students which involves homework --> marks --> correction of mistakes and also to teachers which then cannot access their student's ability. Take the economic department for example, I have hardly written more then 10 essays as homework.